ABSTRACT Objective To study the backgrounds of women requesting hymen 'repair', to assess the effects of extensive counselling, and the effects of hymen reconstruction. Methods A two-centre qualitative study, consisting of a semi-structured interview, education, discussion of alternatives, and instructions for self-examination (first visit), educational examination (second visit), decision on operation or alternative (third visit), and follow-up (fourth visit). Results Eighty-two women were interviewed at first visit. Sixty-eight women were followed until their decision to be operated upon or not. Forty-eight percent of all subjects reported a history of sexual violence, and 37% had had one or more abortions. Only 29% eventually decided to be operated. Seventeen of the 19 women who submitted to an operation and attended the follow-up visit reported no blood loss at first marital intercourse. Conclusions Most women requesting hymen reconstruction had a history complicated by critical life events related to their request. All women were afraid they would not bleed and/or would not be 'tight' enough during the wedding night. For 75% of the women empowerment by means of extensive counselling resulted in a decision against operation. Hymenoplasty alone does not help women because most operated women will not bleed and because they often also have to prove to be 'tight' enough.