Sexual desire discrepancy as a feature, not a bug, of long-term relationships: women's self-reported strategies for modulating sexual desire

Abstract

Introduction: Sexual desire discrepancy is commonly reported by couples in long-term romantic relationships. Given the idiosyncratic nature of desire, and the lack of a "one size fits all" model approach to address desire concerns, it is useful to understand more about the range of ways that women and their partners modulate sexual desire.

Aim: This study aims to assess women's strategies to influence their sexual desire and the self-reported effectiveness of these strategies.

Methods: One hundred seventy-nine women who had been in a relationship with a male partner for 5+ years completed an anonymous Internet-based survey.

Main outcome measures: Participants responded to three open-ended items about the strategies they use to address desire issues and how helpful those strategies are.

Results: The most common responses regarding what participants did to get desire back on track included: communication, trying to meet partner's needs, having sex without desire, and having patience/letting time work out the problem. Women also mentioned several specific strategies they had employed: communication, scheduling sex, lingerie, and a date night. However, a large number of women discussed that the issue was not resolved, and they were dissatisfied with attempted strategies.

Conclusions: This research provides valuable insight into the construction of women's sexual desire and the strategies used to navigate sexual desire in long-term relationships.

Keywords: Desire Discrepancy; Female Sexual Function; Relationship Sexual Dysfunction; Sexual Desire.