PhenomenonFor most medical students, clerkship represents a transitional phase into the 'real world' of medicine. This transition is often accompanied by significant mental stressors, burnout, and empathy decline. Educator led resilience curricula designed to support students during this critical period often focus on teaching generalized strategies to promote wellness and lack the student input and perspective in their development. Thus, they may be of minimal value when learners are faced with acute moments of challenge and distress in their day-to-day work. The following project seeks to provide an insider view on the experience, interpretation, and response to these moments of challenge and distress from the frontline perspective of clinical clerks. Approach: Using collaborative autoethnography, two medical students documented 85 reflections on their emerging professional identity over the course of a core clerkship year. A narrative analysis was conducted iteratively in partnership with a staff internist and a medical education researcher experienced in autoethnography, allowing for robust multi-perspective input. Reflections were analyzed and coded thematically; disagreements were resolved by consensus discussion. Findings: A key theme of the reflections was self-preservation, conceptualized within two principal contexts: (i) Clerk-patient relationships, wherein we found ourselves in emotionally difficult situations; and (ii) Clerk-preceptor relationships, in which self-preservation manifested through a series of self-protective mechanisms. Insights: The practice of self-preservation is understood as the conscious act of boundary-setting and psychological defense in situations that pose a real (or perceived) threat to the clerk's wellbeing. At best, self-preservation serves as a temporary compromise to the stressors and burnout of clerkship. We speculate, however, that, left unchecked, acts of self-preservation may lead to habitual selfishness and apathy, qualities that are in diametric opposition to those expected of future physicians, and may manifest later (when these learners progress through the hierarchy) as the unprofessional behaviors that perpetuate the cycle of the hidden curriculum.
Keywords: Autoethnography; clerkship; medical education; narrative analysis; reflective practice.